Coming out

In my life I faced so many dragons and was terrified more times than I can count. I tried to fit in this society, and I have failed even more times.

But no more. I surrender. I am coming out of the closet.

This is me.

I am a weirdo in the eyes of society. I live in nature in a campervan, a caravan, and even in a tent. I don’t have a house or a car. I don’t have many possessions that give me status.

I feel much safer when I am traveling solo in an old campervan than when I am part of a group that vaguely reminds me of a family. I am overweight and I have to be careful around addictions because of childhood and divorce trauma’s, which I am committed to healing every single day, even if it means I can’t do other things.

I am not successful in any way that society wants me to be successful in.

And you know what? I don’t care.

I don’t need society to tell me what my value is. I have my own value system firmly in place. I live my life according to these values, and this freedom is what makes me successful.

But when I would follow the success standards in this society, my worth is seen solely in terms of the economic value that I bring to the national enterprise.

But this robs me of everything that makes me feel human.

When you want to become successful in the eyes of today’s society:

  • You have to hide your true feelings if you are productive 5, 6 or even 7 days a week. You simply don’t have the time to feel, and the more you run away from feelings the scarier they become, until they become big dragons you don’t want to face.
  • You are a part of a system that is part of a bigger system and so on, and the survival of these systems is more important than you will ever be. Everyone who tries to be a good nurse can tell you how this works.
  • You are encouraged to become addicted to your smartphones, because only then wil we see all the adds and we buy the things that companies want us to buy, and we don’t have enough time to dive deep within ourselves to find out who we are, and what it is that we really want.
  • You have to survive in a society which destroys nature at an incredible speed. Where domestic violence is the #1 cause of death for women, which means that our own homes are the most dangerous places on earth. You have to live in a society that allows people to murder homosexuals and transgenders when they express how they feel. A society that steals ideas, books, and career opportunities from women and let the perpetrators get away with it.

But I am going to be silent no more.

I am speaking out for everything that is valuable to me. Freedom. Trust. Nature and so-called feminine values of connection and care.

I speak about inner journeys and being in a space where you don’t know where you are going but you are going there anyway because inside there is this enormous trust that as long as you keep going you will find your treasure, that is entirely your own. Then you can decide yourself if you want to share it with others, from the inside out and not the other way around.

I hold the space for others who are going through transformations themselves. I won’t tell you where to go. I won’t tell you what to think, or what to do. It is your transformation, but we will be there to hold your hand if your dragons threaten to become too strong for you.

I create a safe space where everyone is there to support to you in a safe environment, so you can be who you want to be, and do what you want to do. In this community we gather strength, before we go out in the world and take courageous action.

I support you when you create a life that is meaningful to you, and you create art or a book or a business or a movement that no one has ever created before but which is going to be so valuable because you put all your heart and your energy and your creativity into it.

I want to stop pretending everything is fine because this is what we show on Facebook. I want to stop the ’fake it till you make it’ atmosphere, but Instead this will be a community of authentic beings with a free spirit, who have fun together and who change the world because we have gone through the transformation ourselves.

August 8 is the 11-year anniversary of my business. I have been self employed 23 years, since I started a restaurant in 1996; the same year that I became a teacher at the university. I had no experience in either of these professional roles, but I did it anyway. I have been a nomad since 2015, going where my intuition tells me to go, trusting that life brings me exactly to the places I need to be in order to embody new insights and experiences.

Today is the beginning of a new phase in my life and I say yes to a new adventure. I am going to share everything with you soon. Keep an eye out for these mails.

To be continued….

PS please feel free to send me a mail and share your thoughts on this with me, I am looking forward to it.

4 antwoorden
  1. Shona
    Shona zegt:

    Love this Ellen! It continues to inspire me. So weird that are about the same age, started our journey of self discovery in 2015, have been self employed most of our lives, etc. Hugs to you!

    Beantwoorden
    • EllDrCC
      EllDrCC zegt:

      Hi Shona, yes that is weird or maybe not weird at all and it is just one big synchronicity as a gift from the universe, telling us that we are never alone on the path of our hero’s journey. We keep in touch!

      Beantwoorden
  2. Jen
    Jen zegt:

    I love this Ellen and my favourite is: “I hold the space for others who are going through transformations themselves. I won’t tell you where to go. I won’t tell you what to think, or what to do. It is your transformation.”
    I feel the same and I have always made sure to respect everyone’s individual journey and choices. It’s not for me to tell anyone how to live their life and besides, I don’t want to be judged for my own.
    Well done you.
    xo

    Beantwoorden
    • EllDrCC
      EllDrCC zegt:

      Thank you so much for your reply and letting me know. I wrote this blog without thinking, suddenly it was there, so it is so good to know what resonates with you. I will tell you more soon.. I feel a lot of excitement about this new beginnings…

      Beantwoorden

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