Trust and patience. Lots of patience

“If you do what you are good at and do it well, clients will simply show up”

This is a mantra that I have been telling myself for many years, when I was a professional trainer working for training bureaus. It worked. I always had enough clients.

“Living from trust, not from fear” was my other mantra. This one I told myself when I was in a panic about something that I wanted to do, but that was outside of my comfort zone.

Of course they didn’t always work. Shit happens, right? When everything else failed, I told myself that “at least it is never boring”, and it was a comfort.

This morning I realised that somewhere along the way I lost touch with these three mantras. They remained the same, but I have changed.

It was naive of me to say that you can simply replace fear with trust. That is not how it works. Instead I have found another approach (a non-dualistic one) to fear.

Trust still is important. For me, it is the gateway to freedom. So how can you learn how to trust, when fear is often so much more present in our lives?

I have discovered that you can only learn how to trust when you lean into fear, not when you push it away.

It is a natural tendency of people to run away from negative things in general, and fear in particular. In certain spiritual circles they say that fear has a low vibration, and you shouldn’t feel it.

However, when we run away from our dragons, they still do their job. They even become better at it. It is an invitation for them to use their guerrilla tactics.

True courage is when you feel the fear, when you can give your dragons a hug, and you can still trust the journey.

During my journey, I have had many conversations with my dragons, and I have learned to embrace most of them.

However, there are some dragons that are too big for me to face on my own. These dragons have grown up during my childhood, my marriage and divorce, and after I became so ill in 2018.

It was not easy to find someone to help me. A few years ago I thought I had someone, but she only made it worse. I needed all my strength to stay alive, and continue on my journey.

For the last few months I have been on a long (a very long) waiting list, and now it seems that I have found the right persons (plural) who will help me.

This means that I am not able to launch my Soulmade Freedom Community before the summer. I can’t go on this inner journey and build the community at the same time.

I don’t know what will happen these next few months. I can only surrender; hug my dragons; trust that things will get better and that everything happens at the right time.

This is my mantra these days: trust, and patience. Lots of patience.

I will send mails in the coming weeks, so stay tuned (and let me know if you do not receive mails yet and you want to be on my mailing list).

With a big hug

Ellen

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